


Squared

by Ludovica



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Foursome, Insults, M/M, Roughhousing, interracial, stupid teenage boy behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludovica/pseuds/Ludovica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fili and Kili encounter the twin sons of Elrond in the halls of Imladris, things get out of hand.</p>
<p>A 'misunderstanding' quickly turns into insults.</p>
<p>One particular barb sends the elves into a rage and the group is brought to blows - among other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Squared

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta-minion for the summary!
> 
> I'd be very grateful for any kind of constructive criticism or other comments - I'm always trying to improve myself ;D

Elves were strange folks. The dinner had quite proven that – not in a hundred ages would he trust a people that could subsist on nothing but greenery and half-cooked mushrooms, even if he hadn’t eavesdropped on them sing satires on some of the Dwarves of their company earlier.

Yet they were to stay at Rivendell for a week at least, and despite the strangeness of its inhabitants, both Fili and Kili thought it quite a nice little place.

And of course, with little else to do besides listening to the Elven music that was sounding through the valley day and night and rummaging the kitchens and bakeries for decent food, the two young Dwarves spent most of their time exploring the Last Homely House (Ori had actually tagged along in the first few days, but then he had found the library, and, well…)

Both of them were still rather weary of Elves, though, and thus had done their best to steer clear of them for the most part. They had watched some of the Elves from a distance, and found out a few of their names (but remembered only about three), of course, but never had actually spoken to them.

So when they found themselves in one of Imladris’ wide hallways with two dark-haired and absolutely identical looking elves coming towards them, the only thing Fili could remember about them was that they were Elrond’s sons – there couldn’t be that many identical twins around these parts, after all, right?

They hadn’t yet noticed the two dwarves who had found themselves some chairs and had been looking out of the window until they had heard the Elven voices. Both of them were dressed in riding attire, breeches and boots and doublets, instead of the impractical and sort of stupid looking robes most other elves were wearing.

When the Elves saw the two of them, one of them motioned his brother to halt.

“Ai, guests of the House”, he started with a curious look at both of them and bowed his head slightly.

It hadn’t been that hard to find out that ‘Ai’ meant about as much as ‘Hello’ in the four days they had already spent in Rivendell.

“And hail to you, our Elven friends”, Fili replied, trying to be polite, even though he was definitely not feeling very comfortable talking to any of those people.

“I remember your faces”, the Elf continued, eyeing both of them up contemplatively before he nodded towards Kili. “Aren’t you the girl that tried to fell a warg with a short-bow?”

Fili didn’t know if he should be amused or outraged when he saw the shock on Kili’s face at being called a ‘girl’.

However, his brother quickly found his wits again and jumped off the chair, clearing his throats. “Begging your pardon, Master Elf, but I am, by no means, a girl.”

“It was also not a short-bow”, Fili felt obliged to add. Apparently the two of them had been among the Elves who had saved them from the orcs, seeing as he knew of Kili’s weapon.

The Elf raised one eyebrow (Fili had seen the Lord Elrond doing that earlier, seemed to be a family thing) and looked Kili over again, this time with a so overbearingly provocative look in his eyes that Fili could actually feel his brother getting agitated.

And then, of course, the Elf had to say it.

“I thought male dwarves were supposed to have beards?”

His voice was literally dripping with derision.

“Elladan”, the second Elf chimed in, “we need to be on our way.”

Both Kili and the first Elf (whose name seemed to be Elladan) ignored him. Kili’s face was slowly turning red with indignation. Fili couldn’t help his slight amusement when he noticed that his little brother was puffing up.

“At least there is a way with dwarves to tell men apart from women”, Kili scoffed. “Can’t say as much about your kind.” Now it was him who was eyeing the Elf up provocatively.

Elladan raised another eyebrow, and this time his brother took a step towards him. “Elladan, come, it’s very bad manners to quarrel with your guests.”

Fili had to say he agreed with the other Elf. It really was bad manners, though it also was bad manners to insult the family of your host in such a way. He’d really have to have a word with Kili later.

The first Elf held Kili’s gaze for a few moments, but then turned around with his brother. “You’re right, Elrohir.”

Kili snorted behind their backs. “Yeah, run along with your sister, little princess.”

The Elves turned around again, indignation now visible on the second one’s face. “Why are you slandering me now, Dwarf? Did I do anything to prompt such behavior?”

Fili bit his lip and jumped down from his own chair, landing near next to Kili. “That was really uncalled for, Kili”, he whispered to his brother. “You should really apologize.”

He could see a hint of doubt in Kili’s eyes, but then the usual stubborn pride returned. He was really too much like their uncle.

“Why should I apologize? They both look like girls, I’m just saying what I’m seeing.”

Elrohir’s face hardened, but now it was Elladan who put a hand on his brother’s shoulder in a calming manner and cast the younger Dwarf a haughty glance.

“We should really go, brother. There are better ways to spend our time than with little titches that could be wrestled down by the smallest Elf boy, but think they could call themselves ‘a man’.”

Fili begged his brother internally that he would hold his breath this one time. If they just let them go, they all would forget this unfortunate little incident, and…

“I’m man enough for your mother, you sissy fop!”

Yeah, he should have known his brother better than that.

Appalled he watched how the Elves both stared at Kili now. Elrohir, had paled quite considerably, while Elladan’s face was slowly turning as red as Kili’s.

“Did you just say something about my mother, Dwarf?”

“No, sure he hasn’t, Master Elladan!”, Fili started, trying to deescalate a situation that could end very ugly, when he was reading the expression on the Elf’s face correctly. “We’ll go now, so, a good day to you!” He grabbed Kili’s arm and tried to pull him away from them, but Kili just broke away from him and crossed his arms in front of his chest, straightening himself so that he looked as tall as he could without standing on his tiptoes.

“Well yes, as a matter of fact, I did say something about your mother.”

The Elf made a fast motion with his hand to his side, as if he wanted to reach for a sword that wasn’t hanging on his belt (and Fili thanked every little lump of gold in the world for that). He seemed to be very displeased by this fact, so displeased that he even let out a low growl.

“I’d really highly recommend that you didn’t say anything about my mother in my presence”, Elladan hissed out from clenched teeth. “It would suit you ill.”

Fili tried to grab his brother and hold his mouth shut, but Kili dodged his grip and just stared back at the Elf.

“Why, is your mother so ugly that mere mention of her puts you to shame?”

Neither Fili nor Elrohir could react fast enough to stop the fist slamming right into Kili’s face.

Kili seemed to be quite surprised too, but he took the punch well and returned it with vigor. The Elf grabbed his hair to keep him at bay, but Kili managed to tear his hand away and butt his head right into his stomach.

The other Elf tried to pull Kili away from his brother when Elladan was forced to his knees by Kili’s hardhead, but the Dwarf fought like a mad dog now – and the Elves responded appropriately.

And even though it was clear to Fili that Kili definitely did deserve a good rubdown, he was still a good older brother, and good older brothers helped their little brothers out when they were being thrashed by a pair of Elves, even if their little brothers had been such incredible idiots to insult those Elves’ mother.

And so they were soon rolling on the floor, all four of them, and Fili soon learned that Elves didn’t fight fair. But he returned every single bite, every time they pulled his hair, every sneaky kick, with just as much vigor, and also just as much unfairness, until all of them were beaten-up masses, lying atop of each other, panting to regain their breath.

Kili was the first one to catch his breath, and Fili was already cringing when he only heard his voice, though this time he didn’t feel the need to punch him in the guts himself, since what he was saying was: “I apologize for insulting your mother. That was really uncalled for.” He still could hardly breathe, but nevertheless his apology sounded absolutely sincere.

The Elf who was lying half atop Kili (Elladan? He had lost track during the fight) nodded. “Good… And I do apologize for assuming a child could take you down. You’ve got quite a bit of brawn for somebody of your size.”

Fili was surprise to hear Kili chuckle. “And your brother has quite a mean swing for somebody with so shiny hair.”

Elladan snorted, even though Elrohir let out an indignant “Hey!”

“What?” Elladan replied, “Are you saying that your hair isn’t shiny?”

“Not shinier than yours!”

Fili couldn’t help but chuckle as well. He cast his brother a fast glance (which wasn’t that easy because Fili was basically wedged between half of Elrohir and half of Kili) and saw that there was a broad grin on Kili’s face.

“I’m glad to see that even the Firstborn appreciate a good brawl”, Fili said. “It would have been quite embarrassing if we had caused for our party to be thrown out of Imladris because of this.”

“Oh, don’t worry”, Elrohir said, shifting a little bit, as far as possible (he had managed to get his legs quite artfully tangled with his brother’s and Kili’s). “We have a mortal foster brother with whom we got into quite a number of frays as well. Our father is not new to juvenile exuberance.”

“That is good to-“ Fili started, but suddenly was brought off-track. He frowned. “Something is poking my leg…”, he murmured and started to shift a little bit – just to be halted by a low gasp coming from the Elf above him.

“Brother!”, Elladan called out, half-shocked, half-amused.

The calmer twin’s face lit up red-hot. “What? It is not that unusual that things like this cause a man to… to…” He made an abrupt motion with his hand.

Fili raised both eyebrows and exchanged meaningful looks with his brother, then he moved his leg a bit while trying to suppress a mischievous grin.

A moan slipped over Elrohir’s lips before he could stifle it with his hand.

Elladan chortled in surprise. “Oh, you naughty Dwarf!”

Kili cast his brother an adventurous smirk and a second later Elladan gasped. “He’s not the only naughty Dwarf here…”

Fili saw the twins look at each other, and then they both flashed them identical roguish smiles. “Well, if that is so…”, Elladan started, and Elrohir continued: “…then we will have to teach our naughty guests a bit of a lesson, don’t we?”

And suddenly there was a hand between Fili’s legs, a very nimble hand, opening the lacings of his braies in a second. He found the same hand wrapped around his cock a moment later, and he couldn’t help but moan and thrust up against it. His motions caused his leg to move as well, and soon the Elf above him was moaning just as he was, and just as Kili and the other twin were.

And Fili really couldn’t say that he wasn’t amused when Elrohir started humping his leg.

However, his amusement was short-lived as the vicious Elf shuffled up a bit, took both of their dicks into one long-fingered hand and started to rub them both together.

Their little brawl had apparently agitated his body quite enough, and so he really couldn’t help his orgasm building up a lot quicker than usual. There were hands and lips on his body, kissing his neck, biting his ear, sneaking under his shirt and up to his chest, and he was pretty sure that it wasn’t solely Elrohir’s doing. For a second, he contemplated that the twins might have been used to tackling their bedmates together, judging by how comfortable they seemed with this situation. Yet those skillful hands didn’t leave him a lot of time to actually contemplate all that much, as he soon started to moan more frantically, grabbing the head of the next Elf and kissing up and down his neck and every part of exposed collarbone he could reach, listening to their low moans, interrupted by chuckles and breathless comments on the scratchiness of his beard.

He came apart with a moan against soft skin, and the hand around his cock tightened, until the Elf atop of him gasped out as well, and Fili could feel another string of hot, thick liquid against his skin. Another moan followed, from the second Elf, and finally he could hear his brother’s low grunt.

Once again they were lying all atop each other trying to catch their breath, though they were exhausted now for a completely different reason.

“Is that the usual end of a brawl in this house?”, Fili asked with a spent grin on his face.

“Not necessarily”, Elladan replied as he slowly disentangled himself from Kili and his own brother. There were scratches and bite-marks all over his neck and arms, and his twin brother was even sporting a swollen cheek, now that Fili actually got the time to look at him.

“It has happened, though”, Elrohir continued, flashing the dwarf below him a broad grin.

Kili chuckled and sat up as well, tugging himself back into his pants, and Fili did the same.

“Well, dear Master Elves, you wouldn’t happen to know where we can clean ourselves up after our little… romp here?”

Elladan – now that they were in different states of beaten up Fili actually could tell them apart – raised an eyebrow and grinned again. “Of course we can show you the way to the bathhouses. I guess we are in quite some need to get cleaned up as well, aren’t we, brother?”

Elrohir chuckled and looked down at himself. “I’d say so too.” He flashed the both of them a catlike smile, then turned around. “Follow me, dear guests.”

Fili and Kili exchanged a last glance before they scurried after the Elves.

Really, Elves were strange folks. But Rivendell really was quite a nice little place, wasn’t it?


End file.
